Moving forward from here
by redfox1303
Summary: Agent Mulder has been returned and is recovering in the hospital, but just how has his abduction experience affected him? The experimentation and isolation he went through was enough to send any normal man insane. Looks at emotional and physical strains on Mulder and on his relationship with Scully.
1. Chapter 1

**Post-Requiem Recovery **

_Agent Mulder has been returned and is recovering in the hospital, but just how has his abduction experience affected him? The experimentation and isolation he went through was enough to send any normal man insane. Looks at emotional and physical strains on Mulder and on his relationship with Scully._

He was off the ventilator and on the road to recovery. Agent Mulder had defied death and given the alien retro-virus the proverbial middle finger. The abduction had only elevated his crusade for the truth; but so much damage had been done in the process, physically and emotionally.

Agent Scully entered her partner's ICU room and began studying his medical notes. She was pleased with the progress Mulder was making. It was very rapid, alarmingly so that the other doctors believed it not to be medically possible; Scully knew that it wasn't medically possible but rather the work of the alien genome introduced to his body.

Mulder lay still in his bed. The covers had tangled around him from where he'd tossed and turned, probably from the nightmares she knew he'd be suffering. She'd had terrible nightmares following her abduction; nightmares of gruesome experimentation that plagued her dreams for months after her return. His knees were drawn up to his chest and his head had slid down off the pillow all together. She watched him breathing gently; the raising and lowering of his emaciated rib cage.

A.D. Skinner knocked through the small window on the door. "How is he?" he asked when Scully came outside. Skinner was a loyal friend, a kind man whom had grown close to the two agents over the years. He'd watched them take Mulder away and felt enraged seeing now what they'd done to him, to his friend.

"We need to do some tests. He's doing tremendously well considering the state he was in only a few days ago, but we can't even begin to comprehend what they did to him without undergoing invasive exploratory procedures. If we are to understand this we need to look at everything"

Scully was torn. She wanted to know what these fuckers had done to Mulder and the effects it was having on his body, but at the same time she wanted to take him home and away from the hospital and medical testing. He'd surely been through enough already? Skinner bought her a coffee and wished her the best. It was late evening already. She'd spent so much time at the hospital that the days had all begun to merge. She was determined to fix her partner but maybe it was time to go home to her own bed for a few hours; at least she could grab Mulder some pyjamas, she knew how much he hated hospital gowns, they only just covered below his waistline.

Mulder stirred ever so slightly in his sleep. She stroked his hair and cheek gently.

"Hey" she smiled. He blinked his groggy eyes against the light.

"Hey" he smiled back. Scully wanted to make sure he was comfortable before she left. She knew pretty soon he'd be asking when he could leave and go back home with her. She sorted out all of the wires and IVs that were connected up to him, grabbed him a glass of water, and reshuffled the pillows.

"Love you" she said kissing him softly and got ready to leave.

"Scully" Mulder called after her. He looked like he had a hundred thoughts rushing through his mind at once, as though he wanted desperately to tell her where he'd been and what had happened but was totally unable to.

Instead he managed "I love you too". Perhaps it was best things be discussed at a later date. He'd need proper therapy, now was not the right time, not in his delicate current state.

"Night Mulder" Scully took her leave.


	2. Chapter 2

_Some time had passed and Mulder had grown in strength each day. The hospital was not fully satisfied with discharging Mulder but was reassured that he'd be in the capable hands of Dr Scully. Mulder had partly released himself through impatience, but the FBI had also agreed it better for him to be in a securer location and accompanied by an agent. The strangeness surrounding the situation was enough to attract all kinds of religious nuts or alien bounty hunters for that matter._

"Home sweet home" Mulder smiled as Scully unlocked his apartment door. The familiar smells flooded his nostrils, warming, welcoming. The house was just as Mulder remembered it, well almost, other than the fact that Scully had tidied in his absence. It was reassuring knowing that he might be able to revert back to normality in time; that the wounds would heal and the trauma become blurred and forgotten. The simplest of things, his fish tank, his Knicks t-shirt, even his porno stash, all acted as a reminder to him; he was a person, a unique individual with a meaningful life. He was not a guinea pig.

Mulder's body had fought the alien virus and was near to perfect health, but still he felt physically drained. The empty space of uncertainty over the truth had existed inside him for so long and had now been filled with all the answers. It was a terrible burden. He wanted to talk, to tell Scully all that he had seen, everything that he knew, but how could he part with such a dreadful truth? He couldn't put that on her shoulders, not with the knowledge that there was such little hope for mankind.

"You okay, Mulder?" Scully asked watching her partner trace the coffee table. He picked up a photo frame and studied it. It was as though holding things, feeling them in his grasp assured him this was reality. Mulder nodded silently. He was still miles away in a world of his own.

02:57 Scully sprung alert. She'd fallen asleep in the lounge with the television buzzing in the background. There were noises, as though someone were in pain, moans and whimpers rather than an emergency. She followed the sound to Mulders bedroom, turning on the nightlight as she entered. Sure enough Mulder was writhing around on the mattress tangled in his sheets. He stirred as the lamp illuminated his room.

"It's alright" she comforted him placing a hand on his shoulder. His pyjama top was sodden with sweat.

Mulder felt the adrenaline still pumping through him. Fuck! Every time he closed his eyes they were there, the evil little bastards with their thick black eyes looking straight through him. There was nothing you could hide from them, they took your deepest darkest memories and played around with them, laughing at your helplessness. Anything they wanted they took; they'd leave nothing untouched, tear you apart and untidily stitch you back together, if they even bothered to do that.

It was alright, he was safe. His faithful Scully was there beside him, helping chase away the darkness that so often found them. He tried to slow his breathing down and escape the nightmares. The bed sheets were soaked.

"Did I piss the bed?" Mulder pealed the damp material away from him.

"I think its sweat" she replied.

He loved Scully and wanted her there with him but not seeing him like this. His man points were deteriorating at such a rapid rate. He hated her seeing him in such a state of weakness.

"Mulder, I know what you're going through-"

"I'm fine, Scully" he cut her off, and then immediately diverted his eyes away from hers, embarrassed.

"We'll get you help, Mulder; you don't have to fight this alone"


	3. Chapter 3

_The nightmares were becoming less frequent; sometimes Mulder could go a couple of nights without an episode. Sadly the intensity of them had gotten worse when they did occur; to the extent that he tried avoiding sleep through fear of what lay waiting for him._

_(Disclaimer: I know Scully is pregnant but for the sake of this fanfic it may be necessary to overlook this detail. Also, I forgot to mention in my previous chapters but I do not own the X-files I'm simply borrowing the characters blah-blah-blah) _

Mulder came wandering like a zombie into the kitchen. He turned the stove on and filled the kettle with water. Scully of course had been up for hours. Her casually smart appearance put shame to the previous day's boxer shorts he was sporting. Today he felt like going for a run, he'd had enough of sitting around the house trying to keep himself occupied. After all, he needed to build his strength and get back into shape. The effects of anti-gravity had made his muscles deteriorate whilst on board the flying saucer hell-hole.

"Morning Doc" he smiled as Scully plonked a neatly folded pile of clothes onto the counter next to him.

"Mulder, I've got a trusted friend coming over from New York today. He's agreed to help me examine you for traces of the virus, hints of the tests they were performing on you, anything that can give us some answers" she looked at him inquisitively, wandering how he might respond. Was it too soon to be revisiting this, should she give him more time? She felt just by mentioning it she was putting a lot of strain on him, forcing him into something he was not ready to face.

"Okay" Mulder nodded after some thought. "Better to get it out of the way, right?"

Scully knew he was scared of what they might find. He must have wanted nothing more than to forget and move on and she would help him do that, as soon as these tests were out of the way.

The kettle began to whistle and Mulder flicked off the stove. Scully caught herself admiring his figure as he tended to the coffee. Even after the abuse and neglect his body had been subject to, he still looked striking. She eyed him up and down, from his shaggy hair, well-defined torso, and right to his perfectly shaped bum. She loved him so dearly and wanted to be close to him again. She could hardly remember the last time they'd made love, it seemed so far away.

"Scully, you okay?" he asked.

She smiled softly and leant in to kiss him. She'd been without him for so long and was still trying to comprehend his return. "I just really missed you… I'm so happy you're here with me now".

Mulder embraced her kiss pulling her into his arms, his beautiful Scully. He'd held back his emotion up until now; worried that she might feel different towards him after all that had happened. He breathed her sleek hair, her familiar smell; it was the most comforting scent he knew. Her slim frame beneath his hands held him firmly back, the sleeves of her cotton jumper soft against his bare skin.

For a moment between the tender kisses their eyes met; the passion had been relit between them. For that split second they were able to put everything aside and think only of one another and of being together, intimately devoted. Scully's fingers drifted delicately across his lower back down to the waistline of his underwear. She traced it around to his front teasing her fingers beneath the elastic. He was hard; she could see the swell pushing against the thin material. She had him up against the kitchen counter and he was loving every minute of it.

It was true that neither of them had any understanding of the effects the virus had had on Mulders body, not yet anyway. Were the risks too great to become intimate with one another? Thoughts crossed Scully's mind; had they harvested his reproductive cells, just like they had taken all of her eggs? The concerns were quickly replaced by lust. Before either of them knew it they were entwined together and he was inside her. Clothes were abandoned on the floor and the two moved rhythmically together. Mulder place his lover on the counter top and fucked her avidly. Her legs wrapped around him gripping tight and enjoying the waves of pleasure.

Before long they were both laying in a heap on the floor cuddling one another contently. Scully nuzzled her cheek into his chest as he drew gentle lines with his fingertips up and down her side.

Things were going to be just fine.


	4. Chapter 4

_Scully's trusted college friend Harrison Edwards has flown across the state to aid her in what needs to be a fairly hushed examination. Mulder angst and abduction flashbacks_

The parking lot at the hospital was chaotic. Thank God Scully had her medical ID to allow them access to private parking otherwise they'd have been late for meeting the trusted friend. Mulder was still very much unnerved by the idea of exploratory surgery. He'd had his fair share of surgeries in the past but this was different now; what if they found something that changed everything. Would Scully stick by him? He felt uncertain by so much nowadays.

Navigating the large hospital was disorientating for Mulder, and he'd been inside the Pentagon, which was practically a maze in its own right. Scully, however, knew this place like the back of her hand.

"Dana?" a voice came from behind them. A tall lean neatly dressed man beckoned them over. Scully embraced the man.

"It's been a long time" she smiled warmly. The two exchange pleasantries and Scully introduced Mulder. The man was Dr Harrison Edwards, or 'Eddie' for short.

"Agent Mulder, so nice to meet you finally, Dana has told me a lot about you" the two men shook hands politely.

"I've arranged us a room where we can talk privately" he lead them down the hallway towards the elevator. The man was competent and obviously highly regarded. He'd worked previously in this particular hospital a few years ago (or so Scully had mentioned).

Once in the privacy of the room Scully set about explaining the situation to her friend. Mulder watched the expressions of disbelief and shock in the man's face. It made Mulder feel diseased and slightly ashamed; he was here for a reason and that reason was to make sure he was still 'human', and to make sure he was not dangerous.

It took Eddie a moment to comprehend what he had been disclosed. Mulder sat with his head down lost in his own though. Scully put her hand on his thigh as reassurance; she was going to be with him every step of the way. Eddie had been clocking the body language and sussed the two agents were 'together'. Clearly Dana cared a lot about this man; he'd therefore do anything he could to help out.

Not half an hour later and Mulder was in a different room, dressed in a hospital gown ready to be probed and prodded. Eddie was still sourcing equipment so Scully set to work on bloods.

"You okay?" she asked him, swabbing the area of skin on his arm.

"Fine" he replied trying to sound it. She drew a syringe full of blood from his forearm. Mulder was actually rather relieved to see the red liquid draining out of him. He'd be half expecting a green toxic solution to come pouring out instead.

"I've got us the MRI and toxicology labs are at our disposal" Eddie entered the room with an armful of equipment; stuff Mulder had never even seen before.

"Listen Mulder, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, this is all on your terms, if you're unhappy about anything-"

"Scully, I know I need to do this. We're both just scared of what we might find, right?" he reasoned with her.

Scully looked at her lover; he was right; they were both concerned by what it may turn up. But they needed to know none the less. He gave her an 'I trust you' look and kissed her hand.

Mulder was lying flat on the hospital bed. There was lots of beeping sounds and mechanical noises now. He was hooked up to a number of things; with lots going on. He began to feel panicked and flustered. 'Must calm down' he rationalized with himself.

"Still alright, Mulder?" Eddie asked. He nodded in response. Scully and Eddie were right there, it was them controlling the situation, nothing else. He strained to keep his cool; forcing himself to look at Scully and study her face. It's her, its Scully, not them.

Before he could help it they'd transformed in front of him. The Greys were there stood over him. There was an overpowering humming that vibrated all the way through his body. Pain surrounded him. It was cold, hard, and dark. He tried to lift his arms to protect him, cover his body, but they were pinned, fastened through the skin and bone and drilled to the metallic table. He twisted and turned trying to escape but it was no use.

The long grey hand grabbed towards him. Mulder screamed bracing himself for the pain.

"Mulder" Scully shook her partner trying to stir him; she was alarmed by what was happening. Mulder jolted upright sending equipment flying onto the floor. Breathing heavily he struggled to focus on the faces in front of him. Words were being said to him but he couldn't understand them. He then proceeded to vomit all over the side of the bed.

"What happened?" Mulder asked as he came to. Eddie was clearing up the mess on the floor and Scully was checking him out.

"You passed out Mulder, after having some sort of fit. We hadn't even begun examining you. I'm calling this off, you're still not well enough, it was wrong for me to push things too soon" She sounded almost annoyed with herself.

"No, Scully, I'm fine, honest" He just had to get those little bastards out of his head. He'd be fine as long as he could avoid them.

Eddie pulled Scully to one side and expressed his opinion on post-traumatic stress disorder.

"You need to get him referred to a psych. There is some deep emotional trauma going on inside him and the sooner it's tackled the better for Mulder" he half whispered.

Scully felt awful for neglecting Mulder with this. She should have arranged that first, should have better appreciated just the amount of psychological torment he was struggling with before she went wading in with clip boards and blood tox's. Her partner needed her and she was still so distant with him. Truthfully, she was scared for him, and by being distant she felt she might better help him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Mulder and Scully go ahead with the examination. Scully's POV._

"I'll be fine once you put me out" Mulder argued. Drugged unconscious and unbeknownst to him of what they were doing he'd be absolutely fine, he decided.

Although both Scully and Eddie were unsure of continuing, Mulders persistencey convinced them otherwise. After all, as soon as he was under there shouldn't be any issues, in theory.

Mulder watched as Eddie syringed the white liquid into his IV tube. This stuff would put him right out. He looked for Scully; he wanted to see her face before he drifted off. She placed a hand on his wrist, gently rubbing his skin with her thumb. On went the oxygen mask to help knock him out.

"Can you count backwards from one hundred for me, Mulder?" Eddie mumbled faintly in the background.

Things were already blurring. The Greys appeared in front of him once more. They were addressing him, and then talking to one another. They faded into the darkness; everything turned black.

"He's out" Eddie began setting up the respiratory system that would effectively breathe for Mulder whilst he was under.

Scully continued holding Mulder's hand. She just wanted to get this thing over and done with now so they could focus on getting Mulder back to normality and move on with their lives as a couple. She hoped that from this abduction it would put Mulder off the conspiracies and phenomenon for a while. She tried not to kid herself too much; if anything it would have probably pushed Mulder into searching harder.

"What do you want to start with?" There was a lot that needed doing.

Nearly three hours had passed and most of Mulder had been explored, sampled and documented. Eddie was holding up the brain scans the MRI had churned out, staring quizzically at the little metallic implant lodged behind the ear.

"Can you pass me the scalpel; I'm going to remove this" Eddie gestured.

"No!" Scully's response made him jump slightly, "Not that, we have to leave that". She knew full well that taking that device out of Mulder's body, or even disturbing it in the slightest might trigger the same response hers had years ago. Cancer was the last thing Mulder needed.

"Scully, what the hell did they do to this guy?" It was becoming too much for Eddie.

Scully had struggled all the way through the procedure, despite trying to detach herself from her empathy for Mulder. She hated seeing what they'd done to him. The scars had healed faster than they would have done without the aid of the retrovirus, but even so, the extent of the torture was very much apparent. Thick, deep surgical lines were drawn untidily all across his body. It looked like his chest had been cracked and completely opened. A big line drew right through his abdomen. It made Scully cringe. Was he awake whilst they'd done this to him? Surely he would have passed out from the pain. She hoped he had done.

"When I was abducted they harvested my eggs and left me barren. It's likely they've done the same to Mulder" Scully spoke slowly, as though still trying to get to terms with it herself.

A look of sympathy flooded Eddies face, "I'm so sorry Scully"

They went back to work and Scully's suspicions were confirmed. They'd taken everything. Mulder too was infertile. She watched her partner whilst Eddie was busy fiddling with the microscopes. She stroked his hair out of his face delicately; it had become an inch or so longer as he'd been away, more shaggy and untidy than usual. He'd lost weight too; not massively but he definitely looked leaner. She'd noticed that she could feel ribs slightly as they were making love this morning. She'd have to get her mother over to cook her famous roast dinners, everything cooked golden with goose fat; that would soon bring Mulder up to a healthy weight.

"I think we've got everything her. I've sent the last few bits off to the labs to be run through, we should get those back in a couple of days" Eddie peeled off his latex gloves.

Scully thanked him profusely; she appreciated it was an unusual case but knew he'd be understanding. They cleared everything up and brought Mulder back around. He'd still be dozy for a while so Scully kept an eye on him whilst Eddie bid farewell. She removed her own gloves and parked herself on the stool Mulder's bed. It had been a long day.


	6. Chapter 6

_Coming back from the hospital Mulder and Scully discuss Mulder's abduction and the results of his tests. Angsty moments and plans for the future._

"Can you pull over a sec?" Mulder didn't look so good. He'd turned very pale and feverish. She turned the car into a layby at the side of the road. Mulder got out slowly, wandered towards the foliage and proceeded to vomit everywhere. Two big heaves and the entire content of his stomach were on the floor. Scully jumped out of the driver's side. She steadied Mulder whilst he caught his breath.

"Probably a reaction from the sedative; nausea's a common side effect from anaesthetic" Scully reassured him.

"Uh-hu" Mulder nodded, downing the bottle of water Scully'd handed him. He was worried about the test results, but surely Scully would have mentioned if they'd found anything bad.

Mulder looked at his lover. She must have suffered whilst they were apart; he knew for sure he had, months of angst and heartache. At least his concept of time had been skewed whilst he were away. The months for him were made to feel like only a few days; every time they wiped his memories. Still, he remembered vague parts. Occasionally experiencing flashes of things that had happened; those were what had made it drag out the most, remembering these small details and knowing they'd occurred weeks ago, yet not being capable of stringing time together in any logical fashion.

They pulled up at the convenience store near Mulder's apartment to grab some essentials.

"Do you want anything?" Scully asked.

He shook his head, "I'm good, thanks". She shut the door leaving him in the car. Mulder was tired of Washington, he felt claustrophobic there. Come to think of it, this was probably the longest he'd hung about the city; what with him and Scully constantly darting from state to state with the X files.

Inside the store Scully was picking up some groceries. 'Milk, bread, cereal' she mentally ticked things off. She was aware that she and Mulder were still rather distant with one another. These wounds would take a long time to heal. Perhaps a vacation would do them some good? As soon as Mulder was feeling up to it. She wanted to go away into the countryside to have some thinking space and re-kindle their relationship. She'd bring it up tonight she decided.

…

The two were snuggled on the coach together. Their dinner plates stacked on the coffee table had been abandoned and left to tidy in the morning. The TV was playing re-runs on 'The Magician' which Mulder had insisted they watched. He'd grown up on that show. When the credits rolled Scully switched it off.

"You watched this in your childhood, huh?"

"M-hmm" Mulder nodded, "I used to watch it with Samantha all the time". It was funny, they'd been together for so long yet Scully knew very little about Mulder's past, except about Samantha.

"Did you and Melissa watch much when you were kids?" he asked.

Scully shook her head, "My family weren't big on television"

Mulder hesitated, "The tests today, did they show up anything?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer but asked it anyway.

She paused for a moment before replying "Much as you'd expect. They left an implant that we recorded but didn't tamper with. There are small traces of the retrovirus in your blood work still but the antivirals you're on should make them eventually disappear completely"

Mulder listened and kept a placid expression as he took it all in.

"They took all your reproductive cells, as they did to me; you're infertile, Mulder"

He knew that would probably be the case. For Scully the impact of becoming barren had been a lot greater than it was for him now. He remembered her struggles to overcome infertility; all the pain shed suffered with Emily. It made him hate them even more.

"Mulder, do you remember anything from your abduction. Were you consciously aware of what they were doing to you?" It hurt Scully to ask it. She felt tears well as she waited for his response.

He of course remembered what had happened to him; not all of it, but parts he remembered vividly. How could he tell Scully though? He knew it would upset her. So he lied. He told her he didn't remember a thing. The last thing he saw was a bright light and that was all.

Mulder felt his chest along the Y shaped scar beneath his t-shirt. "Did they take anything inside me?"

"Your vitals are all fine; everything is where it's supposed to be. It looks like if anything they took some tissue samples, but nothing that would harm you"

"They made a hell of a mess" he pictured the blood running from him, off of the table and puddling on the floor. He'd screamed and fought and they'd continued like he was nothing more than a piece of meat to them.

"Any rectal probing?" he joked. Her expression changed as she looked away, trying not to meet his eyes.

"I guess that's my remaining dignity gone" he sighed.

Scully pulled him in close to her and kissed him tenderly. She was so relieved they were back together. They could begin a normal life, away from the horror the X files had brought them to.

"Let's go away for a while; leave DC and the bureau, find our feet again" She swore it started right here, right now. She wouldn't let the darkness into their lives, not anymore.


End file.
